we're blogging at a bar
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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