So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
