i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize