oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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