Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
