and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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