i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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