forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
