Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
