see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
