fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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