she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
