i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need to calm my uterus...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
