Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
