She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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