I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
