i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize