heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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