You're completely useless in the revolution.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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