I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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