If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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