The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
