**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
