D3 body, D1 cock
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
3 2 1 whiskey
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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