Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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