Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
