You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
