this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
