I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
