My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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