What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
