do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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