For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
