Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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