You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Damn victory sex feels great
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
