dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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