Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
