He passed out mid-signature
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize