Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
