Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
40s are totally the cure
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
