With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
