omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
