I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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