dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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