I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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