think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize