There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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