She announced her abortion via fbk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize