If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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