i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
