Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
where am i from again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
