I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
