if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize