That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
