When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
