Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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