At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
