your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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