i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you. Go after that dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
