I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
