I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
