Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
