Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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