I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
