i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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