i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
