Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i believe in u and ur pee
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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