I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
