look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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