no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
