It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
