"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
