It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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