had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
