he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
