It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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